JULY [or, 'This is What My Rough Drafts Sound Like')

by Anxious Houseguest

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02:20
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01:30

about

Two things happened recently - the first is that I put out my first solo album, and the second is that I got into a new band called Japanese Breakfast.

There was some sense of pride in finally releasing my music, but also some disappointment. Putting some distance between yourself and a project lets you see all the ways it isn't what you want it to be. I was also feeling a lack of music to work on, which is weird because it's been a long time since that was the case.

Simultaneously, as I dug through Japanese Breakfast's discography I saw she had once released a collection of songs from a month-long writing project wherein she wrote and recorded a song a day, posting the results no matter how they turned out. That ended up being the mantra for me this month as I decided to attempt the same. Mainly it felt like a fun way to start generating some new ideas and get better at my songwriting which I've always struggled with.

I also identified with a lot of the insecurities she wrote the project helped her address through the act of putting songs out there even if they're not done yet, or not up to the standards we sometimes hold ourselves to. Anxiety (and a tendency to take my music too obsessively to the point of strangling it) has been a facet of my life for a while. I'm really glad I did this project as it's helped me move past a lot of that, and to grow more comfortable with myself, life, and my craft. It's also led to a new surge of inspiration to keep pushing, working and improving, and to keep living my life.

A lot of the songs on here are pretty bad, but there's a few I'm pleased with (given the restrictions), and might be coming back to. Or not. That's kindof the fun of putting things out there like this. It can simply exist, and I don't need to carry it around with me. If it's something that I'm meant to come back to, I will. If not, it's no longer bottled up inside of me.

My personal favorite tracks include: 02, 03, 04, 06, 08, 11, 17, 20, 21, 23, 25, 26. They're not perfect but I couldn't help but smile listening back to them.

credits

released August 3, 2016

All songs written performed and recorded by Kris EXCEPT #16, which was written by Poolshop (Jaimee Fryer)

Cover art banana by comickibble.tumblr.com

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Anxious Houseguest Portland, Oregon

bedroom pop//
dream pop//
indie//
experimental//

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Track Name: 01 Smoking with the New Neighbors
'This weeds too dry,' he said as he ground up more and more
from your stash, and promised he would pay me back
It's raining outside, so he stayed inside
and he taught me all about hash and promised he'd pick me up some fast

Our new pad's fridge makes the strangest sounds at night
it sounds like something just fell out
The first time, it made me yell out
It made me yell out
Track Name: 02 Leftovers
I'll have to get up sometime.
The cat can't feed herself.
I'll heat up leftovers myself
They never taste the same the second time.
It says a lot about a person if they show up on time.
I wrote an album but I can't write a song.
Everything I come up with still sounds wrong.
Still can't think of any good rhymes
Track Name: 03 Expect What's Fair
I turned over, and you were still asleep
Didn't know what to do so I turned on the tv
How I was supposed to know you left it on full blast?

You rolled over, and didn't look back
You got dressed up, and took out the trash
How could you know where I keep new bags now?

Expect what's fair and lose what's there
Track Name: 05 Chewed Words
Chewed words
taking up all the room
Feels more
like they don't fit on the page
Track Name: 06 Tattooed On My Brain
I turned on the water and I filled up the bath
You came over at 7 and asked if you could crash

but what are you doing here?

'I'm gonna make us some money'
you said then tapped the ash
from your cigarette but
you never asked,

'What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?'

I've still got your name
tattooed on my brain
like i'm insane
but i can't say i blame you
if you don't feel the same

But what are you going to do?

I'm waiting for the night I can walk home from the bar
finally remember how it was we got our start

'cause how did we get this far? spending so much time apart?

I've still got your name
tattooed on my brain
like i'm insane
but i can't say i blame you
if you don't feel the same
Track Name: 07 Anyways
Filled up my coffee with the rest of the Jack
and I joined everyone with their beers out back
Probably won't get to bed till half past three
That's ok I'd just stay up watching TV

anyways

You came straight from work Your hair smelt like burgers
I don't eat meat anymore cuz it's murder
But I don't judge you you're just getting by
and if I got a job I'd totally die

anyways

it's not like we're compatible
I eat till I'm full but I only eat kale
And it's not like that matters at all
It's really just an easy excuse
to avoid admitting
you're really really cute.

Anyways
Track Name: 08 Skater
Nobody can skate as good as you
that's one thing i wish i could do
no one else can read me the way you do
that's one thing i wish you couldn't do

you make me want to write songs
about you
all night long
Track Name: 09 You Took My Favorite Spot
Make no mistake, I'm over you

It's been six years since you said "hello,"
in my favorite coffee shop
i can't go there anymore,
it's one thing you took in the divorce

make no mistake, i'm over you

you took your games
with all my progress saved
role playing games
too long to start again
I wonder how they end

Make no mistake, I'm over you

New place, Fresh paint
what color should do we paint the door?
old plates boxed up
how come our friends don't call us anymore?
Track Name: 10 Off My Mind
I lay down to sleep
but I find I can't get you out of my mind
no matter how hard i try
Track Name: 11 Niacin Overdose
Do you think this pavement ends?
Do you think we'll run out of gas?
Do you think we're on the mend?
Do you think that this can last?
Track Name: 12 Shatter
I am not looking forwards
if you're upset than doing something about it
I threw a rock, through a window
the shatter echoed up the street
but no one was home
Track Name: 13 That Door Always Sticks
"What time did you get home last night
I didn't stay up but I felt the house shake
When you pulled the door shut
It's always getting stuck on its frame
and I thought 'hey we should fix that,'
as I fell back asleep

Are your friends more fun to hangout with than me?
Are they active or do you guys just get stoned and watch TV?"
Track Name: 14 Can't Do This
This isn't something,
I can deal with, tonight
Track Name: 15 Bored
Nothing ever happens here, and I'm afraid I'll be here, another year
The dog is outside looking for his bone to tide him over while he roams

My life's boring you'rs sounds exciting
Wanna come over? And go on an adventure?
Cuz I'm so bored, waiting for more

We're the last kids in town, but it's like we're already underground
I just stay inside, playing on my phone to tide me over
while I'm alone

My life's boring you'rs sounds exciting
Wanna come over? And go on an adventure?
Cuz I'm so bored, waiting for more
Track Name: 16 Cover of 'Lower Now' by Poolshop
Kindof broke the rules one day and did a cover instead. Song available at : https://soundcloud.com/poolshop/lower-now-demo
Track Name: 17 Numb Tongue
Woke up with a cold sore on my mouth
and I got your call saying you're done
They say gargle salt water
and wait it out
I can't help but shout louder
what I want to say is on the tip of my tongue

Do blown taste buds grow back?
Do cold sores taste bad?
Or is this just the flavor of the month?
you left my tongue numb

Broke up with a bitter piece of work
you're no longer my dork
hope this feeling, fades soon
cuz i can't feel anything
Track Name: 18 Distractible Mind
I have a distractible mind
and it says you're doing fine
I spent all night debating if I should
i let your phone ring three times, never mind

I've got 20 tabs open in one browser
When I sing at night the neighbors dog growls louder
The news is on, but you're gone

The laundry's been in the dryer for three hours
oh who cares if there's a fire
Might as well take a shower if it's this late
tomorrow i'll feel better
Track Name: 19 Things to Do
came home and hoped your calls couldn't find me there
cause it's so hard to answer the phone when i'm unprepared
and i don't have the time

i've got a million things to do
and none of them involve you
empty the trash with my works of art
that always seemed about you

came home and left the car running
came home and left the oven burning
came home and paid some bills

got a million things to do
and none of them involve you
burn all of your favorite clothes i wore
and i'll worm some new thoughts in my head
and i'll turn my thoughts to something new
on tv as i fall asleep without you
Track Name: 20 Unemployed
We sat on your steps
drank whiskey and watched
the people running to and from the shops
do you think they all have jobs?
Track Name: 21 Antisocial
I've moved once before
to a chorus of 'you can't run away's
but I'm still unsure
and I'd love to try it again
Maybe this is the year
I learn guitar, instead
of trying to go far away
to get out of my head

I'm an antisocial

I am always late to the parties
and in the most important ways
I am growing up late
I don't want any of these people
to be my friends
when we're all just means to an end

this world is hardly normal
Track Name: 22 Tape
She can't stand the way she looks
her old washing down the drain
no matter the color it's always the same
an expression a confession
hesitation to forget old names.
Delayed impact
Track Name: 23 Shoulda Boughta Birdcage
You clipped my wings, like you clipped your cat's nails
but I ripped them free like you thought I'd sit still
I flew outside the open window sill

I got your texts and my mind filled in the rest
I will get bad tattoos so I never forget about you
It took less time than you thought for me to heal!
I will take all that's mine, to remind myself what's real!
Track Name: 24 Old Shirt
I found your old shirt where I'd hung it up to dry
full of cigarette burns that must've
stung your arm that night
but I thought you'd quit by then
I'm trying to see your face but it's like I've got smoke in my eyes

My phones out of service, but I swear it buzzed inside my pocket
random texts, unanswered
cuz I erased your number
Do I miss it? some
I'm trying to have fun but these days I can't get as high
Track Name: 25 Your Problem
I wake up before the sun to listen to your favorite songs
picking the scab that says you're gone
I guess that's pretty dumn

I want to stare into the sun and have everything I want
I'm afraid I bit the hook but that's not your problem
dead fish, pierced through the lips, and it's not likely to run

I want to be the kindof person who's got their own vinyl collection
who's got a shelf full of books, and I want the time to read them
but most of all I want those things with you

I want to stare into the sun and have everything I want
I'm afraid I bit the hook but that's not your problem
dead fish, pierced through the lips, and it's not likely to run
If I could I'd do it again cuz I'm only human
and I think that's your problem
Track Name: 26 Little Things
You never used to hang your coat there
you always wear the same distant stare
there's clouds outside that float by like you and I
there's birds outside, that don't even fly, when I walk by
I don't even know who you are anymore
Track Name: 27 Long Afternoons
You wait around for me to admit I'm scared in this ghost town
but are you ready to wait till sun down?

There's hours to waste in the tank driving around
if this is the best then let's call it home

long afternoons
Track Name: 28 Breakfast Cereal
You've worn the same thing for three days now
don't you think change would do you good
breakfast cereal soggy in the bowl
you just eat all the marshmallows
Track Name: 29 Big Rock
I still keep the rock that you gave me
but you probably forgot
we live on a big one after all
so it's no surprise you can't rely
on time to fix it all