Second Guessing Everything

by Anxious Houseguest

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02:24
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02:51
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05:12
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04:54
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10.

about

This was a project done over two years, essentially about a period of my life wherein I gradually started collapsing in on myself, slowly shutting myself off from the world for one reason or another.

Music has always been a pretty big escape, and this album is really about escaping into those inner worlds that can give solace when we're alone. I've grown a lot (I hope) both as a person and as an artist while recording this and while there's a lot of stuff I'd probably do differently now, I hope the worlds I was trying to build with the songs on here can be of value for other people experiencing this weird thing we call life.

credits

released July 8, 2016

All songs written, performed, recorded, and mixed by Anxious Houseguest.
Album art by Kibble Lowell, comickibble.tumblr.com
Big ups to Wesley Bender for countless and continued help learning how 2 produce
Thanks to all family and friends who've been a part of my life before, during, and after the period this album chronicles.

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about

Anxious Houseguest Portland, Oregon

bedroom pop//
dream pop//
indie//
experimental//

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Track Name: 01 Into Summer
I'll wait for you
All summer long
Track Name: 02 Over Before it Starts
If I shake my head enough, can it stop?
How the fuck did I wind up in this dream?
Let's pretend to know what it means
Let's ignore the space between the door and the floor

No, this isn't real
We'll work it out somehow
Just go, I have no doubt
These are words I should say out loud
And no, I won't come out of this room
not now
It's better in here, where the light swirls

You were 19 I was 21
Every summer it starts over again
and each time I wonder if it'll be like that summer
or if everything's grey now?
This is nice but it's just one more thing I have to like

'cause everything's grey now
Track Name: 03 The Woods of this House
I got lost on the stairs again
turning around with one last word
I thought i'd get in
but these doors, they disappear so fast
around here, since we moved in.

But I don't care anymore

This place seemed so small when we moved in
but your door just opened up to thin air
so where are you?
so where are you?

Coming to in a different room
than i'm used to sleeping in
and it's not really far enough away
to make room, for me and you
and all the people we've become.

and i'll follow your empty cigarette packs
hoping they'll lead me home to you
like breadcrumbs through the woods of this house.

This place seemed so small when we moved in
but your door just opened up to thin air
so where are you?
so where are you?

There's not even ghosts in this house anymore
just turn off the lights it looks just like before
an empty house that no one's ever lived in.

Dark blue, dining room
Lost woods, living room
Lost in, this bedroom
Big fights, in bloom

I want one night without incident
with these cracks in this cavernous basement
with roots dug like arteries

Filling in
Branching out
Growing thin
But they never end
And they never end
And they never end
And they never end
And they never end

so I'll never stop looking for you
so I'll never stop looking for you
so where are you?
so where are you?
Track Name: 04 Thawing
Maybe this is for the best
don't say anything
Track Name: 05 Puppy
Nothing's changing
you're still waiting
for better news

Sprawled on the bed
Doubts in your head
blowing your fuse

puppy don't worry
nothing to hurry your life up for

nervous shaking
always crying
with the caffeine blues

you're late to the movies
open the door to be blinded
there's nothing to see
you're not missing anything

puppy don't worry
Track Name: 06 Outerspace
You woke me up said let's go out
And see what we can find
driving in the dark interstate
before the storm blows in
breathing in the wind in outerspace

we're the kids awake
in ice cold neighborhoods
late at night, sliding down the street
look at the stars, pick a new cd
we're the only car so hold onto me

there's nothing to say
and that's ok
Track Name: 07 The Heys
Ive got nothing in common with your friends
but i can see why you hang out with them
maybe they're ok admitting they've had enough
but maybe they don't have problems with freezing up
spinning and waltzing around the room
trying to look like i know where i'm going
the heys, what's ups, the how are yous
just running my mouth

i don't even remember how bad i was
i just looked up and saw you staring into your cup
and i feel pretty dumb as of now
'cause i'll have to talk to everyone again somehow

hey, everyone
look at me the way you look at the sun
yeah, just go back to your conversations
beer bottles and clouds of smoke
everyone laughs at all my jokes
but the way you turn away
reminds me of my spine

i don't even remember how bad i was
i just looked up and saw you staring into your cup
and i feel pretty dumb as of now
'cause i'll have to talk to everyone again somehow

why can't you see me?
why can't you see me?
i just looked up and saw you staring into your cup
why aren't i good enough?
why aren't i good enough?
and what's with that look of disgust?
Track Name: 08 Nerves
I watch the cars in front of us
just dying for something to do
but I wait our turn to move
while the trees explode in bloom
the fireworks fade soon
and the tv snow falls down

I'll fall fast asleep to last year's shows
written beneath my eyes
I'll stay up all week watch the screen glow
and never leave my room
someone shake me please, just tell me to breathe
then leave me the hell alone
and lately I wonder why the sound of the phone,
makes me want to die

And anyways it's not like you care anymore
so I've got what I had before
You're just another, You're just another
Face in this crowd
And anyways it's not like you care anymore
so I've got what I had before
You're just another, You're just another
you're just another nerve

Knives drill through my teeth and in my gums
bleeding and numb and dying
the color drains my cheeks and makes the whole world look
a little redder
and underneath the sun my limbs grow weak
my eyelids fly and shudder
it's the breath I feel in me down in my lungs
but no words come

And anyways it's not like you care anymore
so I've got what I had before
You're just another, You're just another
Face in this crowd
And anyways it's not like you care anymore
so I've got what I had before
You're just another, You're just another
you're just another nerve

'cause I'm scared of hearing your voice now
and I see your face in every nameless crowd
and I don't know how to defend
myself when it's do or die and I haven't felt alive till now
if you're afraid of me then you should know
that I'm just another coward
too afraid to throw your things away
these taped up boxes count the days
that we won't wake up face to face
and everything is wonderful
until it's not but who thinks about that

we grow up too fast
we grow up too fast
we grow up too fast
Track Name: 09 She Wears Headphones
it's late but she'll sleep through the day
so it's ok
it's ok to forget your name

she taps her finger on the glass
to the beat of the rain
she feels low
for feeling so low, low, low

oh, oh, oh
don't i know
oh, oh, oh
how it goes
with everything that's going on
you'd think she'd at least get to be here

this isn't her room
but she's slept here for days
the 40ozs she held
are modern art
on the floor

Fritz the cat:
"I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world.
I've seen it all and I've done it all."

oh, oh, oh
don't i know
oh, oh, oh
how it goes
with everything that's going on
you'd think she'd at least get to be here
Track Name: 10 Inconsequential
It's just a scab bleeding for weeks
It's just a scrape etched in my knees
It's just a bruise leaving me confused

It's just the home I'm building right now

Inconsequential
these are just the things
happening to me
If it helps then close your eyes
things are just spinning too fast
This is just another night
there's nothing wrong if you want it to last

I walked over here in the rain
I bought myself some Thai cuisine
suddenly I felt, like an adult
I missed my bus
but another one came
I tried to guess just what it means
suddenly I felt like an adult

Inconsequential
these are just the things
happening to me
If it helps then close your eyes
things are just spinning too fast
This is just another night
there's nothing wrong if you want it to last